Falling

If I fall to my knees and kiss your feet
If I cry beg and plea
Will you look at me?
Please forgive me
I didn't mean to soak your shoes but these tears have no desire to cease
I'm looking for metaphors and imagery
Anything to ch everyone's senses to explain why I've lost my mind
I'm trying so hard to keep it simple
It's hard to find pretty words to describe such a darkness my heart has become
Laughing is so difficult
Smiling has become impossible too
They say without sleep I'll become depressed
My nights are filled with tossing, turning and thoughts of you
The dreams started of us together and turned to nightmares of you loving her
I wake so much I never feel rested
I'm a souless body
A mindless zombie
So numb from allthe pain
I'm walking through and imitating how everyone acts
Trying so hard to fit in
Everyone gets so angry because I have no gleeful tidbits to add in
Nothing positive to say
Ive been thrown down so many times
It's hard to speak
I hit the the floor and bite my tongue
They broke my teeth to stitch it together
I simply can not speak
I can not think
I can not be
So I'm sorry 
I'm sorry I'm so damn unhappy
I'm sorry if I ruined us
I'm sorry to the friends who are sick of my bullshit
But screw you all
I shouldn't have to apologize for being half dead
Come back just come back
Without you
Who the hell is gonna save me and stand up to fight for me
There is no one since you're gone

The Limit Does Not Exist

I wish the answers in life were as simple as 3.14
I wish I could just find what I want with sine
I am point (0,1) my tangent is undefined 
Like pi I am infinite
Impossible to determine
People try to memorize but can't get past 159
I am simple confusion that connects cosecant to cosine
Be my cotangent I'll be your tangent
Never shall we be sine
Never shall we be associated wrong
We will be communitive property 
Switch our order, but we always come out together 
I'm a line with a negative slope of 1
Be my origin for my only point lands at (0,0)
You'll be positive and I'll be zero
Well never come out negative, together will always be right
I'm tired of our parallel, stop trying to multiply your love
Don't divide others, subtract your doubt and just add some of me
We'll rest easy
I'm a parabola, you're my shaded region 
Only you're points are correct in my equation 
Baby don't be arsenic and sulfur 
Let's balance this equation 
Come on my barium, my berillyium
You're giving me hydrogen, oxygen and phosphorous with no E
If you're a circle, I'm your circumference
You and I, we're so similar, close to congruent
We're just 2 reference angles at 30 degrees
No more cosine of (0,1)
No more 0
Only you, balance my equation
Because baby, the limit does not exist

Addicted

I may no be pretty
I may not be perfect
I'm obnoxious and cold and honest and mean
A true bitch if you'd please
I may not laugh
I may not smile
I'm quiet but loud and angry and violent
I may not be unhappy
I may not be ecstatic
I'm sad and depressed and afraid but I love to laugh
You may be my drug
You may be my ecstasy
You keep me happy and jubilant and in euphoria 
Just a state i have no desire to leave
I lie each day saying I don't do drugs
Because I'm high on life
I'm huffing memories of you
And smoking my love
I'm snorting this need for your happiness
And popping the pills that will keep your image alive
I'm killing myself with this addiction
I can't live with you
But I swear without you I will cease this god forsaken existence
I'm no addict I promise
There is no denial here
Just leave me broken in this room
Let me get blazed on the idea of seeing you
Let me be in my mind that has gone somewhere else in this world
I'm downing shots to keep you alive 
I'm lost in my need 
I yearn for my dealer
But that bastards been arrested
You dumped me here
I'm trying to detox
But baby
Baby
Baby
Just come back and be my supplier
I can't live like this
I justcan not exist with this reliance on you and you and not me
I can not live

My Old Place

When the world is falling
When gravity is lost
And suddenly the universe is empty
When the stars burn out
When the streets are barren
And suddenly your world is ending 
I will be sitting Here
Waiting for you
When you find yourself counting raindrops on your window 
And wondering how manyare on mine
When you realize the laughter just isn't as melodical
And the music isn't as tantalizing without my voice
When you find yourself wondering if the world is turning
And hoping I'm not getting motion sick
I will be sitting here
Waiting for you
When the lights burn out
And you're out of candles
When your love for the unknown runs out 
And you realize you're alone 
Step in through my door
Sign in with my receptionist 
Take a seat in my waiting room
You'll be too oblivious to know
The walls are empty
The windows gone 
Shell call you back 
You'll sit down in the place where we first kissed
And you'll realize
I wont be sitting there waiting
I left my room so long ago
No longer staring out the window 
Nor listening for an opened door 
No more waiting for you to come home
I'm not the girl you think you know 
So please
Take a seat in the room where we fell in love
Listen for my footsteps in the hall
Pray That I will rush into the room and sweep you off your feet
Look around 
I have not been here in years
Welcome to my empty heart
Maybe I'll be back soon

In Truth and in Practice

My hands are black and blue from all the reminders I have written
Upon my wrist I keep on saying "hold your head up high"
On my hands, simple things, I once remember but now, can not be bothered to
Sometimes I write things that are really meant for you
Simple things I wish you'd see and silently agree
Please don't forget me, let me be the one, never let go
Did you ever wonder how it feels to die?
Is it nothing?
Blissful peace and eternal slumber but,
I can not stand to sleep alone
At the same time, I can not bear to let anyone near me
You,yet you, were different
I can't forget you, you, you, you...YOU!
Did you know you made me want to live? And breathe?
And dance and sing and just live. Live. 
You make the hurt, pain, booboos, fleshwounds, pain, pain
Bearable
I was never embarrassed or afraid to cry
But you, yes you, have rendered me lonely 
As I lay awake each night, wishing I could just cry
Or maybe have someone to go to
I realize I have no one
I can't let go of my broken ship, no one, there is no one
Because I don't have you

A Typical Night Without You

I'm laying here awake in the middle of the night replaying every sad song i own and staring at the ceiling 
It's the middle of the night and I can't seem to fall asleep because every time I close my eyes I see your face
Every time i close my eyes I begin to hate myself a little more
I can't seem to find the right words to say how everything seems to have just fallen apart
I picked up the world and slipped causing it all to crash
Now I'm laying here sleepless because the nightmares are eating me alive
Because the lonely never rests
Because I cried a river and even built you a bridge from my tears
Because I'm laying here realizing how pathetic I am 
I told you to leave and gave a stupid excuse instead of telling you the truth
You're always on my mind 
I just don't matter enough to trust you but I do
I'm so afraid to sleep and more afraid to wake up
I'm avoiding mirrors because I can't stand to see myself
I just took you by the hands and shoved you out the door 
I threw you out and gave up all I had and it'll never be okay again
I can never be okay
Now I'm pacing wishing you'd call to ask if it's really what I wanted
If it's really what I needed
If I'm okay
So I can say no
No
No
I want you, I need you, I'm the farthest thing from okay without you

All I ever wanted was for you to be happy even if it meant I had to lie
And that's the truth even if it's without me
Now I'm figuring out the truth hurts mainly when it's tainted with lies
Lies can't protect when they're laced with truth
It's as if I'm on the sweetest high singing to the world and suddenly the lights go out
It's fear at the greatest moments
It's being alone pretending I have all I needto be happy
All I need is me

So I ripped up your photograph
And threw away the roses you bought me
I erased you from my memory
But your face, your laugh, your eyes they haunt me 
There is no escape from reality of the situation
Where I'm tip toeing onthe edge of not knowing you and me and losing my identity. 
Either way at this point  I lose you or me

Simple Fear

There are holes in your plan
Gaping oceans swallowing your dreams whole
You keep tryin to thaw my frozen tundra of a heart
I'm telling you
You're on a one way street to frost bite
I know you'll just call me a pessismist
That may be true or maybe I'm just a realist
With an idealists hopes
And an optimists dreams
But every word I speak comes out wrong
Every step is taken in fear
Because I'm so afraid to want something I truly can't have
I'm terrified that I'll get in to deep
And you'll realize living with me is like living in Antarctica
Cold and lonely
Freezing tendrils constantly holding you
Day and night until you can not take no more
Right when weather warms you leave
Causig me to fall into the worst blizzard
There are holes in your plan
I do not own myself
I am a slave with no say
Because I don't know what's "best for me"
You're backing yourself into a corner
And talking in circles
Listen to my words 
For the first time in my life
I just need someone to hear me
I have no control 
None of this is what I want
I want a fairytale ending
With freedom doing what I love
With who I love
Where I love
But what is love?
Simple manic euphoria 
Laced drugs 
An experiment gone wrong
Speeding your heart beat
Causing sweaty palms
And tongue tied nervousness
Once again
Another thing to have no power to change 
I wish someone would hear me 
I'm not ready to be an open book
With my heart on ny sleeve
This isn't fair to anyone
Not even me
But please listen when I say
Simply truly plainly tell you
I'm not ready for someone tohold my heart
And not be afraid to squeeze
Tear apart veins and arteries
Never hesitating take the next step
As if forever really exists
Trying to cut open the beat with every tool handy
Teeth nails fingers
Anything to pry into my world
As I'm out cold on the table
Sedated by your smile
As if it's all just a game
How can I know you'll put it back safely
Not just drop me and walk open
Open chest
Organs slipping all around
Trying to pick up all the pieces
Suddenly my heart is a stained glass window
And anyone can see through
Too tired to secure it
So wasted and out if energy
What if. What if I just told you the truth
I am petrified.