So Many Damn Moments

There's this moment when you realize it's not him who's hurting you
It's everyone who gave you false hope
It's the fact that you couldn't prove the nonblievers wrong
And now they won't let it go
So you're a bit stuck because everyone keeps asking
"Do you still love him?"
And you get tongue tied because because well
You don't have a damn clue if you really ever did
And there's that l word again haunting you
And and and well you can't let go because you want to love him and him to love you
But that would be to easy
And maybe maybe I'm so pressed for having us pressed together because I'm a poet
And everyone knows artists love to brood
There's beauty in pain
And my writing has never been so real as it was with him
My words filled with such adoration and pain that it created something my mind couldn't even comprehend
Because people don't L word me
They don't care typically
And he did.
He did.
He still cares. I see it
But whatever
Ya know?
Whatever because I'm just a child
A broken adults soul in a childs body
And my art has never been so magnificent as it was with him.

Everybody Has

I think everyones been in a place they didn't want to be
We've all been hurt by someone we don't even have a right to think about
We've been broken by someone who never had us put together in the first place
We spend so much time on someone who's hurting us
And neglect that one person who stares at us with eyes hungry for only our flesh
We've all reached to pick an apple and had another hit us on the head
In our dizzy daze we held onto the apple tight
As our vision cleared we loosened our grip
And that dastardly apple rolled away
But god it was so sweet
We just want more forbidden fruit
So we spend our life chasing the one that rolled away
We can't find ours so we just chase any other one that runs
When all we had to do
Was walk back to that damn tree
And pick the apple that wanted to come home with me
And maybe I can blame it on that
My blind eyes
Because honestly I have no other excuse
And I'm becoming pretty friggin pathetic
But we've all cried over something we couldn't have
The impossible is just so tempting
And maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I've lost my mind because I keep running after those who will never love me
Never care about me
Never glance at me
Not even spit in my direction
Because he knows my email
He could've called
And I just want to throw my phone at the window
I want to break everything because he didn't call
No one did
They didn't bother to check if I was all right
And I'm sick and tired of hurting myself everytime they're too damn
shallow to love me
I'm out of room for cuts
And I refuse to die
I'm not going to devote myself becauuse that's not what love is
I want to leave and you're welcome to come along
But I'm not going to hope for shit
Cause you're not my problem anymore.

Let's Be Honest These Titles Don't Have Much to Do With the Poem

I don't know why I did it
Have you ever held the smallest plate in your hands
Fine china with the most delicate designs
Have you ever stared at it in comparison to your ugly gnarled fingers?
Have you ever wanted to crush that beauty?
I have
Putting away the plates from Christmas
I could smell the holidays in the cabinet
Starch
Because that's what Christmas was
A starched, stiff table cloth,
Candles and delicate tiny plates
That I wanted so badly to throw.

Have you ever laid in fresh laundry
And let the warmth consume you whole?
Have you ever wished that you were a piece of clothing
So you could forget the world?
I have
I want to be a dress that makes a girl giddy with glee
I'd be anything but a sock
Because sometimes those get lost and are left by their pair
Have you ever wanted to lay on the floor and cry?
Will the world to fade and die?
Or wanted to do the same but hide under blankets in warmth?

Do you know why?
Because I don't.

I want to play piano and sing my hearts woes
Though it may not be beautiful
It's a gracious relief
When my fingers dance across the keys
I feel beautiful and elegant
Like you told me I was
But now it's just pain transmitted
And I am a broken girl
Whose one purpose at the piano
Is to emote and leave.
I'd like to be alone
So I may just think
I don't know why I broke my things
But I swear it doesn't matter anymore
I'm so confused that I can't even think of why I should care that I hurt you
Or anyone for that matter
Because all I see in my mind
Is him entangled with another lover
And it's consuming me whole
I dont know why it bothers me
But I'd like to be alone

Hi..

So I guess we should say good bye
and this well, this is good bye
It's ridiculous that we say good before such a basic, blatant, blunt and painful ending
It's such a simple word and to top it off we add another
As if to someone it actually is good and the other gets the pain of bye
Then the good smacks them repeatedly in the face until they realize
There isn't anything "good" about this
And maybe I'm out of my place saying this but..
Why do we even say goodbye if I'm going to see you tomorrow and you'll haunt me forever?
I mean you're still here and that goodbye was just the beginning of the end of me
It's just a little rude that you assume it's okay to hurt me and continue on punching me in the gut until i bend over and well
Well I puke everywhere
Did you know that?
Did you know I've been getting very sick
it's not that i barf or hit people
I just sit back and laugh
Anyway most of the time I have to cry instead because well if I keep laughing i don't know what will happen
but this has all got to be some big joke
All right come on out YOU GOT ME!
Nice prank
Now please can we go back to hello and kisses
None of this "goodbye" bullshit
Please..
Hello?

Give Me Candy

You promised me you'd never hurt me. Maybe you didn't say it exactly but it was implied when you applied the l word to us. Maybe I shoulda made you sign a contract and forced you to give your heart to me. I knew if I did that we couldn't be what we had then potential. Oh god we had the world to see. I signed away my soul toyou and you tool that soul and held it tight. I knew I'd get hurt BT part of me was a kid in a candy store with an hour to grab all I can. You were my twizzlers my chocolate my gummy bears. But the mean old man pulled me away. I saw it coming an hour is a short while and were so different you so mature and old and me so...me.. You were a careless fool and I was your tool I didn't care I you used me or loved but you pretended to and I guess that's all I needed. But now my heart is stuck to the bottom of your shoe and I don't know if I'm even enough to slow you down but I sure as hell know I'm a pain in the ass to try to move on with. I'm there and no matter how hard you try you still see me so how does it feel to see me cry. Youve seen me fall apart you've held me together you've seen me go crazy. Is it really this easyto break me? You play me like a game you're a disgusting demon playing for the devil teasing me with string as if I were a cat. You're brown eyes laugh at me and icanttell do you want me or is this just a damn game to play? They say I'm a whore and thatim disgusting. Well darling did you know you're the last boy I kissed and you were so sweet. I ne'er had much of a taste for sugar but you broke everything. Every rule every wall. All ofme. I want my own damn candy store. I want my gummy bears. I want you. Goddammit I need you. Why the fuck did they take you from me? Or maybe...it was you..that left and there ain't no one who helped you escape