Grand Canyon Heart

I miss you

In the simplest terms

I’ve been trying to convince myself this is okay

Being apart, we’ll be okay.

I’ve been thinking it’ll all work out.

I’ve been crying…I think I have my own Nile River now.

I think I have my own numb hole to fill in my gut, my heart, my liver, my spleen

I have a lot of empty spaces I’d like you to fill

The ones between my fingers, my veins, my arteries.

I miss the way you pumped my blood and caught the oxygen

You’d let me get lightheaded, but you always caught me, smiled, grinned, laughed,

God I miss the love

I swear, I made your eyes shine.

And so what? I’m not the best with words

I can’t exactly tame my feelings

They’re a raging bull in my mind

This headache won’t leave. I’m pretty sure my skull is bruised

My heart on the other hand…has become the Grand Canyon

Hell, it’s dried up, torn up, stomped on, broken, beaten, damned

But underneath, where you once lied repairing the damage, there is beauty

Flowers bloom and rivers flow

I made you a bed with the softest Earth and waters

In case one day you decide to come home

Or the fates and sands of time allow us to be

Or if my parents decide you’re worthy

Maybe...I’m the only one that knows you love me, but they love me.

My parents? They do. I wish they could come to my canyon

And see, I need you and you’re gentle touch

To color the skies because oh my god, orange and brown? How blah.

Yes, I’m boring without you. I walk slow, dress nice, pile on the makeup and don’t speak.

Dear Buddha, I don’t speak.

You’re the only one that listened anyway.

You thought me funny, you laughed at the stupidest things

And I loved that, I will always love that. I love that.

You laughed at me and it was okay.

You’ve been to Hell for me and stayed here with me

I didn’t know happiness until I met you

I floated on clouds and drank the stars with a bendy straw

I lassoed the moon and handed it to you like a cookie 

Like those cookies you once baked me

That tasted so heavily of love I thought I’d faint

And here I am saying it, love. Love. Love.

I didn’t need that word before, not for people.

Not for the people outside of my home.

And here I am. Smiling because I still do love you.

The Nile’s flooding and I want you to come home please.

I made your bed. Come lay in it.