She stepped through the heavy wooden doors in one big sweep. When she saw him he was sitting in a pew hands clasped and looking down. He could have passedfor praying if it weren't for the tears dripping down his fingers. She walked to him quickly and held out her slender hands offering him a box with a white bow. When he looked he finally saw her.
She stood before him in white with her wings spread out behind her. Her brown locks hugged her face and reached down her back. She had eyes as bright as the ocean and as blue as the sky that betrayed her and showed her every emotion. But for the first time he saw them empty and cold. There was no trace of the girl, his girl. Gingerly he took the box from her and she quickly disappeared as if he'll had eaten her whole. He sat there staring at the bow and the little tag that read "open me".
He got up and screamed. That's all he could think to do, scream until every man turned in his grave and every womans heart skipped three beats. He screamed until he couldn't take it anymore and he dropped to his knees pleading for sanity. He carefully slipped the bow off the package and lifted the lid. He held his breath and carefully pulled out a glass heart. It fit perfectly into his two hands as if it were meant to be held by only his. Through the red tinted glass he could see a small note inside the heart. He looked at the heart and couldn't believe it. How could she come here? It was his fault. He stared atthe note and began to fill with rage, how the hell was he supported to get the note out? She never was vey smart. So he balanced the heart in one hand and in a swift motion he threw it against the wall. He walked over to the shards of glass and bent over to pick up the note. He quickly picked up all the pieces in his hands and cried over them and cursed under his breath. It was his fault she left.
He always called her his angel. Said she saved his life, he would have leaped off a building that night they met. It was a cold December night and she was an actress. She just finished a Christmas play when they ran into eachother and he accidentally knocked her over. When their eyes met there was nothing. His heart didn't move or warm. She didn't even look twice at him. They were just two strangers but she managed to make him think twice about everything he did that night. She always wished there was something a spark, butterflies anything, anything at All that would have helped her fall in love. But there was nothing. They shared a few remarks, some small talk which led to coffee which led to dinner. Dinner led to talking which in the end brought them to a point where they needed eachother and that was it. No love. No attraction, pure need. One night he left. He told her he needed to find love and happiness and this wasn't it. She told him "once broken apart, can never befixed". Just likethat it was over. She saved his life, he ended everything she ever had.
He couldn't fix the heart. The note was never meant to be read. So he sat and hugged his knees and cried into his slacks. How could he have been so stupid as to not see, it was love, their love just happened to be pure need. But the note was true "Once broken apart, can never be fixed" because she left him for a place where he can never reach.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Blisters
I wish it would pour down rain
I wish I had a lighter to set the night on fire
I want to sit under the burning stars and let the flames lick my skin
I want them take over my heart in a way love never could
Let the blistering heat devour me whole
Leaving behind no trace of a young girl
Let the rain wash away the pain from my skin
Clearing all evidence of blood and open wounds
I want to claim a new life and steal the free soul of another
I want to dine on the worlds finest flesh and clearest skies
Open the air because the devils coming through
He's got a new lover
A girl too afraid not to play with the fire
He's holding her hand and kissing her stomach
He's pulling her close claiming her as his
She's to frightened not to play along
Not to laugh maniacally as she steps on the hottest embers, pushing every boundary she ever built
She's too lost in indulgence to realize she's broken every wall she built
She's dropping every mask she's ever wore
No longer hiding the war in her mind, in her life, in her home
Just watch her heart turn to dust with her rotting flesh
Falling in the gutter with the rest, no way to see the stars through the storm
Dropped like the rest
Not even a game for Hell to play
It's gonna be an empty road, a barren night, filled with shattered glass to walk on
It's gonna be a silent room, with no one to hold on to
A lonely hour that will drag out for what feels like forever
Walking alone, regaining all that's been lost
An attempt that failed
Now with no one to help, because nobody cared
Life is a game
One we all must lose
it's like a war on silence
this is the battle
can we give up,fail and continue on with life
there's the lingering regret, like gentle fingers caressing your face
Coaxing you one more to give in to the pain
This is the sword to sword moment
time to push or give no more
Step up and fight, give up with dignity
Or push on no more
Nobody cares about the scars on your wrists or legs
No one will stare when you show the world what your made of
it's the thickest confusion, clogging your throat making it hard to swallow
how do you speak out when your so numb with fear
he's still watching
left you broken, beaten and damned so who to turn to now
Every word, every step is a puzzle
Put it together, to move on and slay every army
swim across every ocean to reach home
Home is where the heart is left behind
Even burned and turned to ash it still stays behind
Blistering in the heat
Waiting in the devils hands
He is waiting for his winning bride
She who kills the most and steals her own life, is the one he wants
She just wants him forever, but hell has stolen her heart
I wish I had a lighter to set the night on fire
I want to sit under the burning stars and let the flames lick my skin
I want them take over my heart in a way love never could
Let the blistering heat devour me whole
Leaving behind no trace of a young girl
Let the rain wash away the pain from my skin
Clearing all evidence of blood and open wounds
I want to claim a new life and steal the free soul of another
I want to dine on the worlds finest flesh and clearest skies
Open the air because the devils coming through
He's got a new lover
A girl too afraid not to play with the fire
He's holding her hand and kissing her stomach
He's pulling her close claiming her as his
She's to frightened not to play along
Not to laugh maniacally as she steps on the hottest embers, pushing every boundary she ever built
She's too lost in indulgence to realize she's broken every wall she built
She's dropping every mask she's ever wore
No longer hiding the war in her mind, in her life, in her home
Just watch her heart turn to dust with her rotting flesh
Falling in the gutter with the rest, no way to see the stars through the storm
Dropped like the rest
Not even a game for Hell to play
It's gonna be an empty road, a barren night, filled with shattered glass to walk on
It's gonna be a silent room, with no one to hold on to
A lonely hour that will drag out for what feels like forever
Walking alone, regaining all that's been lost
An attempt that failed
Now with no one to help, because nobody cared
Life is a game
One we all must lose
it's like a war on silence
this is the battle
can we give up,fail and continue on with life
there's the lingering regret, like gentle fingers caressing your face
Coaxing you one more to give in to the pain
This is the sword to sword moment
time to push or give no more
Step up and fight, give up with dignity
Or push on no more
Nobody cares about the scars on your wrists or legs
No one will stare when you show the world what your made of
it's the thickest confusion, clogging your throat making it hard to swallow
how do you speak out when your so numb with fear
he's still watching
left you broken, beaten and damned so who to turn to now
Every word, every step is a puzzle
Put it together, to move on and slay every army
swim across every ocean to reach home
Home is where the heart is left behind
Even burned and turned to ash it still stays behind
Blistering in the heat
Waiting in the devils hands
He is waiting for his winning bride
She who kills the most and steals her own life, is the one he wants
She just wants him forever, but hell has stolen her heart
Welcome to Prison
This world is a prison
With guards posted at every door
A warden to bribe to see how far you can go
Shackles holding us down
Fear holding our words back as we choke on our broken pride
Theres a fight on every corner
Guns pointed at everyones head
Threatening make one wrong move and it's all over
Everyone relies on eachother to slip up
Everyone controls eachother
It's just become a game
Who can feed the most guards from their hand and send them out to do their bidding
Sitting in the cafeteria where you can't even pretend
The walls smell like piss and the food tastes like shit
You know the guy next to you just spit in your food
But what are you gonna do?
He owns more businesses than you
In prison there are billboards
Forcing everyone to buy buy buy
There are lights on in the hall
You see them from your cell
Trying to listen
But allyou hear is "how can we make the losers buy
How can we make the losers eat out of our hands
How can we make the scum on the heel of our shoes eat out of the palms of our hands"
How
How
How
How can we control the whole damn world
We've gotthem all locked in
Theres no place to run to
There's no place to hide
Wherever you go
They're gonna get ya
Knife fights at every step
Avoiding punches not meant for you but still bite at you lip just as if they were
Blacking out because there's no escape
No matter where you go
They're gonna getchya
Look around and realize
Were all in alkatraz
And you
You my sir
Have a life sentence
With guards posted at every door
A warden to bribe to see how far you can go
Shackles holding us down
Fear holding our words back as we choke on our broken pride
Theres a fight on every corner
Guns pointed at everyones head
Threatening make one wrong move and it's all over
Everyone relies on eachother to slip up
Everyone controls eachother
It's just become a game
Who can feed the most guards from their hand and send them out to do their bidding
Sitting in the cafeteria where you can't even pretend
The walls smell like piss and the food tastes like shit
You know the guy next to you just spit in your food
But what are you gonna do?
He owns more businesses than you
In prison there are billboards
Forcing everyone to buy buy buy
There are lights on in the hall
You see them from your cell
Trying to listen
But allyou hear is "how can we make the losers buy
How can we make the losers eat out of our hands
How can we make the scum on the heel of our shoes eat out of the palms of our hands"
How
How
How
How can we control the whole damn world
We've gotthem all locked in
Theres no place to run to
There's no place to hide
Wherever you go
They're gonna get ya
Knife fights at every step
Avoiding punches not meant for you but still bite at you lip just as if they were
Blacking out because there's no escape
No matter where you go
They're gonna getchya
Look around and realize
Were all in alkatraz
And you
You my sir
Have a life sentence
Dancing Away
I spent 6 hours on the brink of insanity
I spent 24 hours without any caffeine
I spent a week without my usual dosage of caffeine
I couldn't remember the last time I slept through the night
The last time I didn't have a night terror
The last time I woke up feeling less tired than when I passed out
A natural remedy mothers use for troublesome
Nonsleeping kids is warm milk
I'm lactose intolerant.
I walked the streets of new York
Wondering why the hell everything smelled of piss
When construction ever stopped
I stumbled in a sleepless stupor
If I live in a city
I could finally feed my natural nocturnal
I could forget the insomnia and risk being stabbed everytime I stepped from my door
How could people wish forthat?
I always wanted to perform
Dance
Sing
Act
I could dance to my death
In front of a train at rush hour when the crowd would be fiesty
I would lick up their anticipation as if it were as simple as licking up the sweat pouring down their faces
I would touch every hand of every pursuitor
And wish them luck
I would smoke my last cigarette with all eyes on me
It would be like liquorish sweet yet the most disgusting thing
I would feel the tar build up in my lungs and welcome the bloody coughs that are an obvious sign of working too damn hard
I would slip on my ballet shoes
And fly free
Ladies and gentlemen for my last trick of the evening
I will do a simple sashee step leap
Maybe I'll be the only one who hears the train
The only one who knows this girl is going out with a bang
A bang of her skull pushed on steel railroad tracks
Who could ever want this
If I lived in a big city
If these streets weren't made of red hot embers
Blistering my feet
If my shoes were made of real leather
And I could afford to breath
If I weren't afraid to take a different stranger by the hand every night and lead them into a stunning tango
And that man with no home would stop screaming and watch
And those guys spraypainting would stop and watch
And everyone yelling and fighting would stop and watch
If I weren't afraid to chase a dream
I spent 6 hours on the brink of insanity
I guess well never know where my marbles did fall
I spent 24 hours without any caffeine
I spent a week without my usual dosage of caffeine
I couldn't remember the last time I slept through the night
The last time I didn't have a night terror
The last time I woke up feeling less tired than when I passed out
A natural remedy mothers use for troublesome
Nonsleeping kids is warm milk
I'm lactose intolerant.
I walked the streets of new York
Wondering why the hell everything smelled of piss
When construction ever stopped
I stumbled in a sleepless stupor
If I live in a city
I could finally feed my natural nocturnal
I could forget the insomnia and risk being stabbed everytime I stepped from my door
How could people wish forthat?
I always wanted to perform
Dance
Sing
Act
I could dance to my death
In front of a train at rush hour when the crowd would be fiesty
I would lick up their anticipation as if it were as simple as licking up the sweat pouring down their faces
I would touch every hand of every pursuitor
And wish them luck
I would smoke my last cigarette with all eyes on me
It would be like liquorish sweet yet the most disgusting thing
I would feel the tar build up in my lungs and welcome the bloody coughs that are an obvious sign of working too damn hard
I would slip on my ballet shoes
And fly free
Ladies and gentlemen for my last trick of the evening
I will do a simple sashee step leap
Maybe I'll be the only one who hears the train
The only one who knows this girl is going out with a bang
A bang of her skull pushed on steel railroad tracks
Who could ever want this
If I lived in a big city
If these streets weren't made of red hot embers
Blistering my feet
If my shoes were made of real leather
And I could afford to breath
If I weren't afraid to take a different stranger by the hand every night and lead them into a stunning tango
And that man with no home would stop screaming and watch
And those guys spraypainting would stop and watch
And everyone yelling and fighting would stop and watch
If I weren't afraid to chase a dream
I spent 6 hours on the brink of insanity
I guess well never know where my marbles did fall
Friday, July 8, 2011
The Art of Missing You
Time stands still when you're not around
Time stands still and I end up sitting here biting my lip until I taste blood
I can hear the clock tick even though it's digital
I'm standing on the ledge of sanity waiting, hoping, wondering when I'll see you again
Will anything ever be the same?
I can't remember the last time I slept
Even when I'm asleep I'm just so awake that I wake up more tired than I was before
I can't help but tell the truth to everyone I see
I'm going away for a little while because there's an angry mob chasing me
They want my soul
Apparently truth hurts
I guess this is called waiting
It's 4am and I'm sitting here fully aware you're asleep because everything is easy for you
You laugh
You smile
You live
Without me
I guess this is called being lonely
When no one will call me but I'm too afraid to call anyone
I'm to afraid to write
I feel so helpless and anything can hurt me
So I get angry
I'm pushing everyone away because truth is I'm frightened
I guess this is called insomnia
I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I see you and to be honest I cry
So I just lie there staring at the ceiling wishing the phone would ring or I'd hear a pebble at my window
I lay awake hoping for some cliche to come around and put me to rest
I wonder if you're thinking about me and realize your not because your sound asleep
Time passes so quickly for you while I lie here counting agonizing seconds
I guess this is called confusion
I think you're what I want but maybe I'm just fooling myself
I tore down every picture from my wall
I threw away everything with any meaning
I don't want to remember what I had only what I have and none of this is me
No one is me
Who can be?
I think this ones depression
Lonely
Sleepless
Scared
Crying
I may not be a psychologist but maybe we've all lost our minds
Or maybe I'm normal and you all belong in an asylum
Maybe it's late again and I'm crying because everything is an excuse to talk to you
I'm yelling because I'm scared and I want to hear you love me
Someone has to
Can't it be you
I'm the only person who cares anymore
So I pushed away compassion and said fuck the world
Now I stay up all night fighting with my happiness
I guess I've leaped off the edge
Or maybe not I mean you are keeping me alive
But sometimes it's hard to sing and dance and smile
I like excuses
I enjoy avoiding the fact that I can't stop eating every sweet thing I see hoping i can find something that tastes like you're lips
Like Your sweet skin
Every where I go I smell you and call but you're no where
They help me hear your voice
If only you'd call because I know I'd sleep to your numbing love
I guess they're helping me avoid admitting that i miss you
well, the secrets out
i am helpless and i am weak
I need your lulling touch to breath
your breath on my neck when we hug
the only heaven I know when you smile my way
One more sleepless night as I fall apart
I guess I'm not as numb as I believed
I guess denial doesn't always work
but admitting doesn't make me any less alone
Time stands still and I end up sitting here biting my lip until I taste blood
I can hear the clock tick even though it's digital
I'm standing on the ledge of sanity waiting, hoping, wondering when I'll see you again
Will anything ever be the same?
I can't remember the last time I slept
Even when I'm asleep I'm just so awake that I wake up more tired than I was before
I can't help but tell the truth to everyone I see
I'm going away for a little while because there's an angry mob chasing me
They want my soul
Apparently truth hurts
I guess this is called waiting
It's 4am and I'm sitting here fully aware you're asleep because everything is easy for you
You laugh
You smile
You live
Without me
I guess this is called being lonely
When no one will call me but I'm too afraid to call anyone
I'm to afraid to write
I feel so helpless and anything can hurt me
So I get angry
I'm pushing everyone away because truth is I'm frightened
I guess this is called insomnia
I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I see you and to be honest I cry
So I just lie there staring at the ceiling wishing the phone would ring or I'd hear a pebble at my window
I lay awake hoping for some cliche to come around and put me to rest
I wonder if you're thinking about me and realize your not because your sound asleep
Time passes so quickly for you while I lie here counting agonizing seconds
I guess this is called confusion
I think you're what I want but maybe I'm just fooling myself
I tore down every picture from my wall
I threw away everything with any meaning
I don't want to remember what I had only what I have and none of this is me
No one is me
Who can be?
I think this ones depression
Lonely
Sleepless
Scared
Crying
I may not be a psychologist but maybe we've all lost our minds
Or maybe I'm normal and you all belong in an asylum
Maybe it's late again and I'm crying because everything is an excuse to talk to you
I'm yelling because I'm scared and I want to hear you love me
Someone has to
Can't it be you
I'm the only person who cares anymore
So I pushed away compassion and said fuck the world
Now I stay up all night fighting with my happiness
I guess I've leaped off the edge
Or maybe not I mean you are keeping me alive
But sometimes it's hard to sing and dance and smile
I like excuses
I enjoy avoiding the fact that I can't stop eating every sweet thing I see hoping i can find something that tastes like you're lips
Like Your sweet skin
Every where I go I smell you and call but you're no where
They help me hear your voice
If only you'd call because I know I'd sleep to your numbing love
I guess they're helping me avoid admitting that i miss you
well, the secrets out
i am helpless and i am weak
I need your lulling touch to breath
your breath on my neck when we hug
the only heaven I know when you smile my way
One more sleepless night as I fall apart
I guess I'm not as numb as I believed
I guess denial doesn't always work
but admitting doesn't make me any less alone
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