Simple Fear

There are holes in your plan
Gaping oceans swallowing your dreams whole
You keep tryin to thaw my frozen tundra of a heart
I'm telling you
You're on a one way street to frost bite
I know you'll just call me a pessismist
That may be true or maybe I'm just a realist
With an idealists hopes
And an optimists dreams
But every word I speak comes out wrong
Every step is taken in fear
Because I'm so afraid to want something I truly can't have
I'm terrified that I'll get in to deep
And you'll realize living with me is like living in Antarctica
Cold and lonely
Freezing tendrils constantly holding you
Day and night until you can not take no more
Right when weather warms you leave
Causig me to fall into the worst blizzard
There are holes in your plan
I do not own myself
I am a slave with no say
Because I don't know what's "best for me"
You're backing yourself into a corner
And talking in circles
Listen to my words 
For the first time in my life
I just need someone to hear me
I have no control 
None of this is what I want
I want a fairytale ending
With freedom doing what I love
With who I love
Where I love
But what is love?
Simple manic euphoria 
Laced drugs 
An experiment gone wrong
Speeding your heart beat
Causing sweaty palms
And tongue tied nervousness
Once again
Another thing to have no power to change 
I wish someone would hear me 
I'm not ready to be an open book
With my heart on ny sleeve
This isn't fair to anyone
Not even me
But please listen when I say
Simply truly plainly tell you
I'm not ready for someone tohold my heart
And not be afraid to squeeze
Tear apart veins and arteries
Never hesitating take the next step
As if forever really exists
Trying to cut open the beat with every tool handy
Teeth nails fingers
Anything to pry into my world
As I'm out cold on the table
Sedated by your smile
As if it's all just a game
How can I know you'll put it back safely
Not just drop me and walk open
Open chest
Organs slipping all around
Trying to pick up all the pieces
Suddenly my heart is a stained glass window
And anyone can see through
Too tired to secure it
So wasted and out if energy
What if. What if I just told you the truth
I am petrified.