Beautiful

I wish I was beautiful 
Because maybe then you would have stayed
Maybe then I could have kept my sanity
But I will never be beautiful
In the same way that you will never look at me
Or want me
Or absolutely need me 
Breathe me
Spend every second thinking of me
I wish I was beautiful
I used to think I could be
If I stood in the rain or I had a touched up photograph
But after a while
If you stare at the picture long enough
You can find every hidden flaw 
People love the sunshine
The snow
The rain
I'm that cloudy day that everyone says is ugly and depressing
Yet I love that cloudy empty day
Maybe it's because I think I'm beautiful
But honestly
I'm thinking it's because those days
Are a blank canvas ready to be filled with love
I used to believe beauty was within
That's unrealistic because naturally we all have ugly souls
There is nothing pure about being human
It's physical as well 
A perfect combination of the two
Because let's be honest
We've all looked at thesweetest person
Found their every flaw
And thought ourselves handsomer
Better
We picked apart pulchritudinous people and called them a bitch
To feel better
Were so consumed with only finding half the beauty that we always forget 
It's an equation 
A perfect balance
So maybe I'll never be flawless
And you'll never find me gorgeous
Or sexy
Or need me late at night
Maybe you won't dream of my kisses on your skin
My eyelashes tickling your bare chest
Maybe you won't think of our feet intertwined
And maybe I can't be beautiful
Because the only beauty I've ever found in this cruel world
Was our bodies held close
With a promise of never letting go