Unstoppable

I thought I would be limitless, boundless, unstoppable

But looking at my hands I realize

I am pausable, worthless, homeless

I thought I was powerful, strong and beautiful

But I look into my eyes and see weakness, fear

I thought I would be sane, thought out, controlled

But as I look at my veins

I see tenderness, pain and insanity

I thought I would be different

But as I look at my clothes, my face, my mirror

I realize I blend into society

Voiceless

Alone

Sent to war

On nothing but pennies

I thought I was a fighter

I am as afraid as the rest of them, unable to walk away

I am an animal

Weak kneed with a loud growl

I am a human

I am selfish

Greedy

I am heartbroken, young and restless.

Faith

If we were Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden

When you expressed interest in the fruit

I would swear to get it for you

When I were caught holding the fruit

I would take the blame, face the charges

And leave

If God asked me, did he help you?

I would say no,

He tried to stop me

For I am woman and I am corrupted

Let him stay.

I would spend an eternity sitting outside the gates

Hiding in shame under clothes of wool and chain

I would watch you

Bare and free

Saved because I am a slave to thee

I would give up eternal bliss and  to watch you dance

To hear you sing by God’s side

While I were stuck

Between heaven and hell

Alone in a place called the world

With traffic and murder

Where people like you are strippers

And people like me are whores.

When I die, and am asked if I have remorse,

What motivated me?

Can I be forgiven?

I would lie and say I am greedy

Because I am woman,

I am corrupted.

I may seem free

 I was shackled

Because you did not love me

He knows I am lying but says nothing

And banishes me

To the darkness below the earth

Where I may burn because woman is corrupted

And it is me who has confined all of mankind

To hatred

And all of women

To prison.

Grand Canyon Heart

I miss you

In the simplest terms

I’ve been trying to convince myself this is okay

Being apart, we’ll be okay.

I’ve been thinking it’ll all work out.

I’ve been crying…I think I have my own Nile River now.

I think I have my own numb hole to fill in my gut, my heart, my liver, my spleen

I have a lot of empty spaces I’d like you to fill

The ones between my fingers, my veins, my arteries.

I miss the way you pumped my blood and caught the oxygen

You’d let me get lightheaded, but you always caught me, smiled, grinned, laughed,

God I miss the love

I swear, I made your eyes shine.

And so what? I’m not the best with words

I can’t exactly tame my feelings

They’re a raging bull in my mind

This headache won’t leave. I’m pretty sure my skull is bruised

My heart on the other hand…has become the Grand Canyon

Hell, it’s dried up, torn up, stomped on, broken, beaten, damned

But underneath, where you once lied repairing the damage, there is beauty

Flowers bloom and rivers flow

I made you a bed with the softest Earth and waters

In case one day you decide to come home

Or the fates and sands of time allow us to be

Or if my parents decide you’re worthy

Maybe...I’m the only one that knows you love me, but they love me.

My parents? They do. I wish they could come to my canyon

And see, I need you and you’re gentle touch

To color the skies because oh my god, orange and brown? How blah.

Yes, I’m boring without you. I walk slow, dress nice, pile on the makeup and don’t speak.

Dear Buddha, I don’t speak.

You’re the only one that listened anyway.

You thought me funny, you laughed at the stupidest things

And I loved that, I will always love that. I love that.

You laughed at me and it was okay.

You’ve been to Hell for me and stayed here with me

I didn’t know happiness until I met you

I floated on clouds and drank the stars with a bendy straw

I lassoed the moon and handed it to you like a cookie 

Like those cookies you once baked me

That tasted so heavily of love I thought I’d faint

And here I am saying it, love. Love. Love.

I didn’t need that word before, not for people.

Not for the people outside of my home.

And here I am. Smiling because I still do love you.

The Nile’s flooding and I want you to come home please.

I made your bed. Come lay in it.

Human

If I turn my head and gaze past my shoulder

If I lightly open my mouth and exhale a great sigh

I would be the perfect mechanical figure

To represent what a human body should be

With gears running through me

With cogs and levers for easy adjustment

But only for those who know how to manipulate them

My steel heart painted with peeling loneliness

And the cogs grinding in my chest, just a bit too close, just a bit too tight while you’re gone

The metal beneath the plaster of my skin slowly caving in

I’m scratching at the wrinkling paper protecting layers of exposure

My very delicate machinery

Everything keeps falling in

Yet I’m still out because my arms are not designed for repairs

My mechanic is a secret

A delicate secret tucked so far away

Sometimes a little oil just isn’t enough

I need an adjustment

My mind has frozen solid

The cool metal of my skull is contracting, squeezing my brain until I cry out

My head pounds against the plaster

And I’m crumbling, crumbling, crumbling all around

I hug my knees to my chest to stop the peeling, the bleeding, the pain and try to cry

The pain is too deep, too constricting

 nothing comes out.

I want is to sleep to avoid this feeling of disintegrating, falling, breaking

The only answer, the only hope, is to wait

Sit here and wait until I am whole enough to walk on child like clumsy feet

To the other side of the world I’ll go, hand in hand with my love, stretching my metal slowly growing skin, growing soft

Step by step I’ll pull my heart out from under my bed and admit I am a human of glass

and skin, easy to shatter but warm to hold

I’ll be nestled by his side and free from this cold, old, crumbling heart in my chest

He’ll take it in his hands and press it into the hole in his chest

Crushing the last few pieces to dust

Leaving me with nothing

No innocence to hold

Just pain crushing my bones

You're Not forever

I want someone 
To stop me as I leave
Pull me back and read the heart on my sleeve

You may make me smile
But deep down I know
That if I had one foot out the door
You put your hand on my back
And lead me off the floor
You'd shut the door behind me and never see the ocean waves falling in the darkness below my eyes
I could yell and plea for you to ask for me to stay

Each day
I'll find myself outside the door
Phone in hand
Wishing maybe
you'd think to
 call

I Am Here

Every room I step into, drag myself accross
With such a lackluster attitude and sullen expression
In every room I lose a little more
Faith and hope
But every time, it takes me as a surprise and I can't help but look around
No matter where I go, I still smell you
Everything about you
The tangy, sweetness of the inscence you burn
And the spice of your cologne
I still remeber your sweet smile
And the feeling of your warm breath on my cheek

I feel like I slipped and fell on a slab of concrete
A painful throbbing everytime I blink
My bodys going numb, and my thoughts keep escaping
I've lost all energy to even speak

There are lights flashing all around
and I'm searching for the one with my name
Bright against the night sky
Screaming to the world "I am here"

Mine

The word that keeps playing over in my mind

Dancing on my lips and tickling my tongue

Our hands reaching out to each other like the sunlight falling gently upon the daffodils of early spring

Your touch makes me bloom and you gently pluck my petals and kiss my fingers

The warmth of your love against the soft palm of my hand is enough to make the chilling rain seem worthwhile

The empty days seem much brighter

And the fear of losing you more real

So I’ll lick your lips if you lick mine

I’ll slowly let these letters tumble from my mind

And late in the night I promise you’re the only one I’ll crave

Your eyes will be the only ones to make me cave

Slowly, ever so slowly I’ll completely succumb to the power your voice has over me