Inspiration

I found inspiration in the pale white scar on his chest where he tried to set his demons free

I found inspiration in the pain he felt despite never being hurt

I found inspiration in his fear to love me

I found inspiration in the way he seems to be running from something he can’t say

I found inspiration in his happiness at my complicated replies, in the way he seemed excited to learn why I am in pain, and his quick correction to say he does not understand, making him the first to admit

You do not understand

I find inspiration in the way he disappeared and in the way he lied when I knew the truth

I find inspiration in his façade; in his stoner talk; in his cool guy talk; in his fascination with money; in his attempts at Buddhism; the books he reads; in being so much all at once

I find inspiration because he should love me and maybe, I too should love him; but we cannot

In the way he believes only two things are proven; gravity and love

 But he seems so terrified of both

I find inspiration in the sadness he brought me

Sadness not from silence but rather the introspection he brought back into my life

I find inspiration because he reminded me of who I am

I find inspiration in the way he looked at me and yearned for me, but would not admit it

I find inspiration because in one night, he wiped away every ounce of confusion

I think of his words

I think of his mind

I think of our parallels and realize

We are so close we will never speak again