You're Not forever

I want someone 
To stop me as I leave
Pull me back and read the heart on my sleeve

You may make me smile
But deep down I know
That if I had one foot out the door
You put your hand on my back
And lead me off the floor
You'd shut the door behind me and never see the ocean waves falling in the darkness below my eyes
I could yell and plea for you to ask for me to stay

Each day
I'll find myself outside the door
Phone in hand
Wishing maybe
you'd think to
 call

I Am Here

Every room I step into, drag myself accross
With such a lackluster attitude and sullen expression
In every room I lose a little more
Faith and hope
But every time, it takes me as a surprise and I can't help but look around
No matter where I go, I still smell you
Everything about you
The tangy, sweetness of the inscence you burn
And the spice of your cologne
I still remeber your sweet smile
And the feeling of your warm breath on my cheek

I feel like I slipped and fell on a slab of concrete
A painful throbbing everytime I blink
My bodys going numb, and my thoughts keep escaping
I've lost all energy to even speak

There are lights flashing all around
and I'm searching for the one with my name
Bright against the night sky
Screaming to the world "I am here"

Mine

The word that keeps playing over in my mind

Dancing on my lips and tickling my tongue

Our hands reaching out to each other like the sunlight falling gently upon the daffodils of early spring

Your touch makes me bloom and you gently pluck my petals and kiss my fingers

The warmth of your love against the soft palm of my hand is enough to make the chilling rain seem worthwhile

The empty days seem much brighter

And the fear of losing you more real

So I’ll lick your lips if you lick mine

I’ll slowly let these letters tumble from my mind

And late in the night I promise you’re the only one I’ll crave

Your eyes will be the only ones to make me cave

Slowly, ever so slowly I’ll completely succumb to the power your voice has over me

You Don't Want Me

The darkness is smothering me  
It's eating me whole
But you're too busy twiddling your thumbs and trying to play your xbox with your toes to notice

I'm laying here as the vultures pick at my skin and meat
Birds with beaks of stone indulge on my flesh and dine
My arms are numb and stuck at my side one above my head
There's nothing I can do but breathe and that's barely happening
 I'm so afraid to reach out because what if they're real and decide to attack 

I watch my self become a skeleton as they peck through my muscle and veins sopping up even my blood
Leaving behind no trace I was ever here except for the dust from my bones that has been ignored so long

And I'm just destined to be stuck here watching you not give a damn
Lost in my yearning for freedom
Wishing you'd carry me away
 But there are only few good days when you come sit by my side

I'm really no prize for you just a settling with a maniac til something better strolls along with a bodacious body and a high pitched laugh
And I'm trying to run away in hopes you'll stop me
But you never do

I'm begging for attention
On my knees for you to care
 Your words say one thing
 But your actions say another
As if I was meant to read them so I wouldn't know the truth

I'm only temporary

And you'll never love me like I love you, never love me

You won't even try or fight or try or fight
I'm beaten, damned
I'm  dust now
And I can't will myself to move

So maybe it's my fault you'd rather dig in your nose than look at me, all my fault
Because I'm a big heap of mess consumed by the lightly lit room laying in my bed at night
Unable to sleep because the tears make me blind

And the birds are feasting, feasting
And I'm quietly weeping, weeping
Wishing, wishing I wasn't so lost in my mind.

My Own Little Lullaby

I miss the sound of your breath as it drew in sharply in frustration
The lull of your heartbeat gently pressing on my palm
I miss the sweet smell of pressing my face into your neck
You’re like an ocean wave consuming me whole
Slowly pressing yourself on me and finding every hidden place
You’ve flooded my mind and I’m sitting on this melancholy beach
Cold and alone spitting up water trying to catch my breath
You’re like the sand
Stuck between my toes, in my hair, in my teeth
No shower can get you off my skin
You’re that tangy soda pop that parches my hot anticipating tongue
The perfect relief when the sun won’t stop beating down
I’ve got you clenched between my teeth
I’m a cannibal hungry for your delicious flesh
You keep me up at night, staring at the ceiling listening to my stomach growling
Because nothing can banish my famine as well as you
I keep hoping you’ll call just to hear my voice
To sing me to sleep so these nightmares would leave
I don’t like feeling that I’ll wake up and you’ll turn out to be a dream
If you’re not with me, I’m afraid you don’t exist
People constantly tell me I’m insane, how is this different?
I don’t like being petrified at the idea that I’m nothing special
I despise worrying
I want to give you my late night
Lack of sleep pushes me into a distant, saddened daze
But I’d do anything for you
I want to make you anything that will come across as sweet on your fine lips
So you’ll see that I too am delightful and sugary
I’d manipulate every word and every star
Just to find the perfect way to say
Since you came into my life, you completely colored the gray
Which is kind of funny because you’re an artist
Not an I’m laughing funny but a romantic irony
You’re the perfect work of art, unlike any other
A hazy portrait unable to decipher
The mystery makes me such a patron that I stare constantly
You’ve long fingers that consume my hands
And a sweet, subtle composition
The way you taste
The way you hold me close
As if you’d never let the world hold me
You found that perfect spot to grab on to my hip and manipulate me
And I find comfort in being a damsel at your leisure
Maybe that’s just me seeing things that aren’t really there, as if I were some psychic who knows it all
But the flame in my belly beneath your hand, begs to disagree
When you stare at me with your large brown, puppy dog eyes
And kiss me slowly as if for us, there is all the time in the world
My atmosphere slowly melts away into a haze, into a daze, like heaven has formed around me
In mere seconds I miss you, standing pressed against your chest, I miss you
There is no way it seems to be close enough for comfort
What I’ve had trouble speaking that comes out as a stutter or a stupid b-b-b-bye
Is that I always hated the l-word and pretending it meant something
But now it does and darling, I love you.

Growing Smaller

Lover stand and lie to me
Hide and walk past me incognito
Dare not show your face
I have been disturbed
You're a sad clown who couldn't crack a smile
Your exterior tasted so sweet
But your heart was burnt toast that no one could enjoy
your hands bulldozers breaking everything they can grab
you've become a destructive force on us
An eternity just seems redundant
As if we'd do this each day
Resent and wish we weren't near one another
I'm growing smaller without a story to tell
You've become an addiction
wiping my mind clean
Like a clean spoken man seeing a voluptuous woman
Strut past him filled with pride
I've got a sticky hot tongue with nothing left to say
You ignore my cries late in the night when I dream you hate me
When I wake to find it so I throw myself into a chair
Laying seems ridiculous when the world is crashing
All I can smell is the salt in my tears
Not your sweaty skin, for you did not follow
How could it get worse
When you forgot to brew the coffee in the morning
You stole my expectations
And turned them to comedy
I want to be elsewhere
Lover, why did you stop making me pancakes every Saturday?
Our castle has become a trailer with a pink flamingo on the front lawn
I can't stop my bodies shake
I've just grown to cold to continue on with you
These silent disputes have become just too loud
This lust is hypnotic
Leaving you behind seems ethereal
Not this way
I can not live
Take your pants and exit my haven
Leave me with my disorder of missing you
These nights I'm counting are copious
I haven't eaten in days
These feelings are bizarre
For it's Saturday, i smell breakfast, and you are no where to be found

All Hail

I'm trying to find my zen so I can say "whatever, that's cool," but I'm lost in the shuffle and there's no pretending not to care when I'm pretty sure I don't care. So you can go ahead and call me any name you can think of 'cause I'm a mean snot-nosed brat and your words are meaningless because I'm in love. L-O-V-E love. Can you spell that for me 'cause I'm lost so deep that my lust has turned to need, which plays this role and makes me think love. So yes, I'm in love, but not with a girl, not with a boy, life. La la la life is beautiful. I know it sounds like crap but look at it from my side. As I sat back, feet propped, wishing, dreaming, being me I learned to let loose and be free, now there's no worry of anyone leaving me. When i got what I wanted they attacked me from behind and while those words were flying, spitting anger on my back becase you're too afraid to face me and say what you think, I was falling head over heels for him. I know you hate me because he couldn't be with you while thoughts of me flooded his mind and you're angry. You're pissed, infuriated not jaded like I am. Wow it feels good to be me. Yeah, Yeah I know. I'm a bitch, but your words don't sting. They've got this kind of ring, like a championship song saying all hail the king and his new queen. New? Not really. I'm the original. Hate me, rape me, sedate me, can't break me. I'm those words caught in your throat that are choking you with fury. That kind of fry that makes you need to pee but you feel ridiculous and foolish doing such an involuntary task at a time like this. i may not be a high royalty, hey I'm queen of geeks, but that's still more than you can ever hope to be so nana nanny nanny boo boo, you're a disgusting person inside and out. Guess I don't suck after all.