Nightmares

I awoke at midnight witnessing images of you in my mind
I was reaching and you were hesitant
This constant confusion has gotten old
I awoke to laughter outside my window
And faint voices downstairs
I looked around in panic
The world was quiet
The voices wouldn't fade
I awoke in the morning to fear if death
The feeling of impending doom
I laid silently in my bed with a small fear
Had I finally lost my mind?
Now later in the day, I can't control what I say
Everything Is completely out of my control
I see you
I don't
I hear them
I don't
I couldfeel you take my hand but you didn't know if you should follow
But you came
You kissed my lips
Then you left
What am I supposed to do
I can't get over this idea
That giving up willruin something that can possibly be
Even after the most amazing time
With a feeling I finally wasnt alone
But I am alone
You didn't care enough to not pull away
So in a tearful regret
I realize I just don't care as much as I used to
Though I wake up at midnight missing you
And sometimes my thoughts wander towards you
Maybe I even hope sometimes
None of that matters
I still sometimes dream
But im starting to face the truth
I will never be with you

I Lost You

I miss dreaming of you
I miss holding your hand
I miss the way you could always make me smile
I miss your laugh 
I miss your warmth
I miss the way you made me live
I miss the way you made me cry
I miss the way you made me lie
I miss the way we kissed
Like there was nothing but you and me
I always smiled as our faces touched 
I miss the way we'd hug
You lean your head near mine
I miss being yours 
I miss the confusion that hurt
I miss loving you
But I don't miss you
I'm so afraid because 
I lost my will
I lost my way
I lost the love
I lost my smile
I lost your laugh
I lost my self esteem
I lost caring about the world
I lost a chance to have just one dance with you
I used to smile from dreams of you
But now
I lost you
I don't know if I care
I don't know if I'm unhappy
I dont know about the rest of the world
I don't know if I'll go on
I don't know if you still care
I don't know if you're just sitting there
Lying to me and her and him and losing control
I don't know if you're okay
I don't know if I care
I miss having you to lose but I just don't know if i care

It's Okay to Cry

Pretty baby you say you won't cry
So you're makeup won't run
Instead you pull your knees to your chest
And you hope you'll soon die
Oh pretty baby can't you see 
Slowly, so slowly you're killing me
So I pull my knees to my chest 
I cry unafraid of the black on my knees
I hope you'll never die
I promise you I'll never lie
I promise you I'll never leave you alone
Scream and plea for me to just let you be
I'd love to
I want to give you everything you want
But darling my heart simply can not bear
To let you suffer alone
No one should ever be alone
I can't let you alone
Don't let me be alone
I'll hold you tight if thats what you need
Oh pretty baby lift your eyes
Unpucker those lips and smile
There's so much time in our world
Let's just run away for a while
Let's be alone for a while
Forget the world for a while
Don't you ever forget me
I don't believe I'll ever cease a yearning for your existence
Remember pretty baby
Just cry

Becoming Nervous

Lately I've been broken
Ive been sitting before a crowd half naked
Feeling so open and afraid
The world could see my every flaw
Everytime I look in your eyes my mind starts reeling
The ground falls away
I stumble around
It's been so long
I thought I was just fine
Now you've waltzed back into me thinking it would be all right
I've been slapped silly by you
Searching for your existence
Needing you and looking for your smile
Wipe the drool from my face
Please help me stand because I'm down here all alone and the world keeps staring at my scars
Why won't anyone reach their hand out to me
Why are you all so angry I'm sorry I'm just so depressed and hurt and upset...no
I'm just so sad
But no one will listen
Since you're gone
I have no will to go on
I'm up and down
Spun around 
No where to run no where to hide
I'm naked before my audience and no one will shieldtheir eyes
I've never been nervous but this is just to much
I don't want to see you everyday
Lately I've been broken
Drop the curtain
My show is done
Get the fuck out, unless you'll hold me as I cry

Broken

2 months ago I was fine
Now I'm hiding under my blankets like the little kid I am
No one can touch me here
I was fine
Now I'm broken
Now I'm broken
Now I'm broken
Broken
Broken
Hurt and. Oh so 
Broken
Falling
Breaking 
Crashing
I'm like glass
The pieces just won't go back together seamlessly
I'm just so shattered
Without you
Be a glassblower
Make me a cathedral window 
Turn my pain into beauty
You always were such a beautiful artist
You're so beautiful
So hurt
So unbroken
I want to be pulchritudinous
Make me colorful and filled with melancholy joy
Make the sun shine through me and create something truly magnificent
I'm so broken
It's because if you 
You
Broke 
Me
You broke me
Unbreak
Unbroken
Glass
Cathedral
Window
Let them see
But you're not religious
With no god I am hopeless
Put me back together
For I am broken

Falling

If I fall to my knees and kiss your feet
If I cry beg and plea
Will you look at me?
Please forgive me
I didn't mean to soak your shoes but these tears have no desire to cease
I'm looking for metaphors and imagery
Anything to ch everyone's senses to explain why I've lost my mind
I'm trying so hard to keep it simple
It's hard to find pretty words to describe such a darkness my heart has become
Laughing is so difficult
Smiling has become impossible too
They say without sleep I'll become depressed
My nights are filled with tossing, turning and thoughts of you
The dreams started of us together and turned to nightmares of you loving her
I wake so much I never feel rested
I'm a souless body
A mindless zombie
So numb from allthe pain
I'm walking through and imitating how everyone acts
Trying so hard to fit in
Everyone gets so angry because I have no gleeful tidbits to add in
Nothing positive to say
Ive been thrown down so many times
It's hard to speak
I hit the the floor and bite my tongue
They broke my teeth to stitch it together
I simply can not speak
I can not think
I can not be
So I'm sorry 
I'm sorry I'm so damn unhappy
I'm sorry if I ruined us
I'm sorry to the friends who are sick of my bullshit
But screw you all
I shouldn't have to apologize for being half dead
Come back just come back
Without you
Who the hell is gonna save me and stand up to fight for me
There is no one since you're gone